In which The Gay Recluse visits a friend’s garden.
Sometimes we long for more gardening space, so that we could enjoy exploding swaths of bee balm every July.
But then we would have to drive everywhere.
And our head would be filled with dangerous little songs.
Don’t get me wrong, i think it’s terrible to make homophobic ads, but i also think it’s terrible to demand changes on something cause it offends you. Whatever happened to dealing with it. I’m in theatre and i get called gay all the time, and it offends me because I’m not, but i get on with it and don’t whine on a damn website about it. People hate you, i don’t because that’s not who I am or how I operate, but there are a ton of ignorant bastards out there who hate you for no reason. There are people who hate me, and there are people who hate my family, but somehow I manage to survive without being a whiny little bitch. Deal with the shittiness of the world and get on with your life, and do something productive.
Filed under: Capitalism, Disease, Drivel, GWB Project, Landscape, Language, Sickness, Stereotypes, The Gay Recluse, The Summer Garden, Travel | 1 Comment
Tags: Bee Balm, Closet Cases, Genuises, Homophobia, Straights, Suburbs, The Pixies, Wave of Mutilation
In which The Gay Recluse mercilessly slays giants.
Hey, remember that stupid Nike ad we complained about last week? Guess what? According to a Reuters report, Nike is taking it down.
From Reuters:
The Oregonian’s report published on Saturday quoted a Nike spokesman, Bob Applegate, saying three separate poster and billboard ads would be taken down in Portland, Oregon “as expeditiously as possible.” The ads also appeared in New York City streets and subway tunnels, the paper said.
Ha ha — we at The Gay Recluse are mericiless giant killers! Seriously, we applaud Nike for doing the right thing. But check this out:
Concerns were first raised by the weblog, http://www.gawker.com, the Oregonian said. The blog post can be seen heresketball.
Wtf, Oregonian! Thanks for not giving credit where credit is due! And hats off to Reuters for the same! And we have no idea what the weird “sketball” typo is about. Srsly, is this what passes for reporting these days?
But whatevs, we’re happy that the ads are coming down, which means homophobia is forever banished from our country and we can all live happily ever after, the end.
Filed under: Capitalism, Gay, Stereotypes, The Gay Recluse | 9 Comments
Tags: Bad Reporting, Giant Killers, Homophobia, Nike, Old Media, Reuters, The Oregonian, Triumphs
In which The Gay Recluse becomes increasingly obsessed with the George Washington Bridge.
We got home just as the storms were about to begin.
I too had an obsession with the GWB when I lived in the Heights in the ’80s. Mine was doing as much cruising as possible under that majestic bridge. The “little red lighthouse” was used for a probably unintended use on many an occasion.
Filed under: Architecture, GWB Project, Photography, The Gay Recluse, Washington Heights, Weather | Leave a Comment
Tags: Home, Long Weekends, Storms, The George Washington Bridge
In which The Gay Recluse is increasingly reclusive.
Sometimes things happen just the way you dream about.
According to our research, the baby shoots will be 800 foot-tall culms within 60 days. The hope is that if we get enough of them, we won’t even be able to see the apartment building behind us. Remember the scene in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? That’s going to be our backyard in a few months! (Location scouts, are you li$tening?) We can hardly wait.
–The Gay Recluse, April 22, 2008
Filed under: Longing, The Gay Recluse, The Summer Garden | 1 Comment
Tags: Bamboo, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Dreams, Privacy, Screens
In which The Gay Recluse remains hidden in the summer garden.
“[I]n the end we could choose only between the bleak and the bleaker – that was the extent of our freedom.”
–Peter Nadas, A Book of Memories
Filed under: GWB Project, Memory, Pessimism, Quotes, The Gay Recluse, The Summer Garden | Leave a Comment
Tags: Botany, Fuscia, Peter Nadas
In which The Gay Recluse retreats to the summer garden.
The European white birch has always been the focal point of our garden in Washington Heights. Each leaf, of course, represents a day in our past, and for this reason might seem more valuable if there weren’t so many.
–The Gay Recluse, November 13, 2007
Filed under: GWB Project, Landscape, Memory, The Gay Recluse, The Summer Garden | Leave a Comment
Tags: Days, European White Birch, Leaves
In which The Gay Recluse retreats to the summer garden.
Remember that post we did on that stupid Nike ad?
Huge traffic whores that we are, we immediately sent it to Queerty and Towleroad, and they picked it up. And then JoeMyGod and Gawker did pieces, too! And a bunch of other sites we never heard about. And then — zomg! — Radar called to interview us!
But guess what. A lot of the gays were upset that we criticized Nike.
They said we didn’t understand sports. (Ha! We wish that were true.) Or were too sensitive. Or too politically correct.
And a lot of other mean stuff that hurt our feelings. Lolz.
So we fought back and called them stupid, idiotic, self-loathing, feeble-minded losers. This was a lot of hard work!
But omg srsly, traffic was great! It was almost as good as that time we said Arthur C. Clarke was a huge queen.
But now we’re exhausted. Traffic whoring is tougher than it sounds!
To recuperate, we’re heading to the garden. The lilies are in bloom and the scent is intoxicating.
For a second we forget how much we hate everyone, and how much they hate us.
Filed under: Addiction, Drivel, Gay, Language, Resignation, Ruins, Sickness, The Gay Recluse, The Summer Garden, Traffic | 5 Comments
Tags: Arthur C. Clarke, Feelings, Homophobia, Lilies, Lolz, Nike, Retirement, Traffic, Whores
In which The Gay Recluse becomes increasingly obsessed with The George Washington Bridge.
I, too, have an obsession with the George Washington Bridge. However, mine involves a nagging compulsion to complete a football pass from the deck of the bridge to a buddy on the ground below.
Filed under: Architecture, GWB Project, The Gay Recluse, Washington Heights | Leave a Comment
Tags: Orchids, The George Washington Bridge
In which The Gay Recluse throws out his running shoes and says wtf.
According to our Harlem correspondent Neskers, the below ad is plastered all over phone booths in his neighborhood:
We’d like to say fuck you, Nike, and all the advertising geniuses who created this piece of shit. Srsly, unbelievable. Nike should be forced to give no less than $1 billion to AIDS awareness, HIV prevention, and fighting homophobia, particularly in those neighborhoods (like Harlem) where it’s most needed.
[Update: The ads have been pulled by Nike. Chalk one up for The Gay Recluse.]
[Update: If you’re a d-bag who doesn’t think this is homophobic, please read the comments before leaving your own; chances are some other d-bag has you covered.]
Filed under: Capitalism, Drivel, Language, The Gay Recluse | 80 Comments
Tags: Ads, Downlow, Homophobia, Nike
In which The Gay Recluse becomes increasingly obsessed with fish blimps.
Blimps are completely useless.
But we love them anyway.
Especially when they look like fish in the aquarium of the sky.
Filed under: Architecture, GWB Project, The Gay Recluse, Washington Heights | 3 Comments
Tags: Aquariums, Blimps, Fish, Jung, The George Washington Bridge
In which The Gay Recluse becomes increasingly obsessed with the George Washington Bridge.
Sometimes even the bridge seems small and far away under the tumult of the sky; once crushed with regret and longing, we are inspired by its patience.
The Gay Recluse is a pansy. It took him until he was fucking 31 to come out? Please. I was enjoying sucking dick at 14 (often) and came out to the parents at 21. P.S. TGR and I are the same age to boot…
– Guest Comment #5 on Curbed, “Central Park Hits Up This ‘Washington Heights’ Place for Cash“
Filed under: Architecture, Gay, Infrastructure, Longing, Resignation, The Gay Recluse, Washington Heights | 2 Comments
Tags: Pansy, Sky, The George Washington Bridge, Tumult
In which The Gay Recluse rather quickly dies of dehydration and sunstroke.
Yesterday’s sunset = today’s heat. But oddly, we have no desire to be at the beach.
Filed under: Drivel, Gay, GWB Project, Health, The Gay Recluse, Weather | Leave a Comment
Tags: Beach, Dehydration, Heat, Sunsets, Sunstroke
In which The Gay Recluse holds a contest. Sort of.
Our country has a lot of George statues, and no surprise — given that he was known to enjoy the company of men in every way possible — quite a few of them are rather gay, although none has proven to be particularly hot. Albany, it turns out, is no exception, as reader John points out:
We don’t have any hot gay statues in Albany, I’m afraid. This one of Geo. Washington is gay (strike a pose) but definitely not hot. (Checking the package, though, proves he has something going on).
Hmm, gay but not hot? We’re nevertheless intrigued…let’s check out the goods, shall we?
Yeah, we agree with John: this guy’s definitely gay, but hardly smokin’.
But hey! What’s goin’ on down there?
Whoas! Check the package! This George, though not exactly hot, clearly has it goin’ on for some lucky gent.
Thanks for the submission, John, which proves that any gay statue is better than no gay statue. Readers in other cities, please don’t be shy about sharing the best gay statuary you have to offer.
We also encourage everyone to check out John’s excellent tree photography on his Flickr.
The Hot Gay Statue Contest Roundup:
- Rules and Guidelines
- Dan Savage Endorsement
- Washington Heights (New York City)
- Washington, DC
- The London Eye Clarifies an Important Issue
- Florence (Italy)
- The Park Avenue Amory (Upper East Side/NYC)
- Murray Hill (New York City)
- Madrid (Spain)
- Los Angeles
- Philadelphia
- The London Eye: “In Your Face”
- The J-Man Inspires
- George Washington
- Georgia (Republic of)
- New Orleans
- Columbus Circle (New York City)
- Two Davids (Florence)
- Franco Harris Statue (Pittsburgh)
- London Firefighters and Other Heroes
- Columbus Circle Mall (New York City)
- Miami
- Paris
- Grand Central Station (New York City)
Filed under: Government, Hot Gay Statues, Politicians, The Gay Recluse | 2 Comments
Tags: Albany, George Washington, Packages, Poses
In which The Gay Recluse explores a longstanding obsession with moss-covered brick.
Bricks, it seems, are the literal building blocks of civilization, whereas moss is the incremental destroyer. To see them together — and to appreciate the beauty of this — is to understand that you cannot have one without the other, just the way you cannot have spring without winter, love without pain, or Lauren without Heidi. Many are the hours where we have sat trying to figure out whether we are made of moss or brick, and only now and again does it really seem as if both are there equally — so that we are in equilibrium — and for just a second we are filled with a fleeting sense of truth and revelation that is replaced by longing and melancholy as soon as it is gone.
Filed under: Architecture, City Pattern Project, Longing, Ruins, The Gay Recluse, The Summer Garden, Weather | 1 Comment
Tags: Bricks, Heidi, Lauren, Melancholy, Moss, Revelation, Spring, The Hills, Winter
In which The Gay Recluse remembers life 100 years ago.
Well, except for the satellite dishes…
Filed under: The Gay Recluse, The Summer Garden, Washington Heights | Leave a Comment
Tags: Grapes, Laundry, Roses, Satellite Dishes
In which The Gay Recluse dreams of the desert.
This year one of our cactus bloomed for the first time.
Apparently it’s very happy!
We admire it, even though it makes us wish that we lived in the desert, far away from everything we hate.
Filed under: Gay, GWB Project, Longing, New York City, The Summer Garden | Leave a Comment
Tags: Blooms, Cactus, Deserts, The George Washington Bridge
In which The Gay Recluse becomes increasingly obsessed with the George Washington Bridge.
Today on the subway this woman wouldn’t move her leg over two inches to make room for us to sit down.
But we sat down anyway, because we were tired and didn’t see why she should take up two seats.
Then we regretted it, because we really hated the feeling of our leg touching hers.
But this lasted just until 59th Street, when she got off.
We weren’t sorry at all to see her disappear into the crowd.
I too had an obsession with the GWB when I lived in the Heights in the ’80s. Mine was doing as much cruising as possible under that majestic bridge. The “little red lighthouse” was used for a probably unintended use on many an occasion.
Filed under: Architecture, Photography, Sickness, Subway, The Gay Recluse, Washington Heights, Weather | Leave a Comment
Tags: 59th Street, Columbus Circle, Etiquette, MTA, Subway Woes, Sunsets, The George Washington Bridge
In which The Gay Recluse becomes increasingly obsessed with manhole covers.
Recently we were suprised to learn that cities in Florida such as Ft. Lauderdale also have manhole covers, some of which are pretty freakin’ swank. Reader CBNY sends us the following:
[The first] is a little perfunctory, but I find it offers a rather pleasing, Richard Meier modernism, as well as an interesting study of negative space. I also like its matter-of-fact announcement of a basic element of Florida life.
[The second] is more traditional, a sister to your stellar, square entry… There’s a lovely yin/yang to them, side-by-side, as well as a surprise sampling of snowflake-crystal structures.
Hey, not bad. Not New York City, of course, but not bad!
Very nice indeed, although the sharp edges make us think it’s probably only a thousand years old or so.
Unsurpassed beauty in this slightly weathered piece (this is the one from New York City referenced above by CBNY), which is already 10,000 years old.
Filed under: Architecture, City Pattern Project, Infrastructure, Landscape, The Gay Recluse | 2 Comments
Tags: Fort Lauderdale, Manhole Covers
In which The Gay Recluse updates his informal but rather telling quantitative analysis of Modern Love, the weekly Style Section (of The Times) column in which openly gay writers almost never appear, and even less frequently describe a romantic relationship.
This week’s piece: A Brother As Significant as Any Other by Lawrence Everett Forbes
Subject: Although we’ve retired from rewriting the ML columns, we wanted to update our tally because — hey! — Daniel Jones ran a piece this week by a real cock-sucking gai! But don’t worry, it’s not about same-sex romantic love between two men, but instead describes a rather unsettling affection between two brothers, one straight and one gay. In short, because from reading Modern Love over the years we have learned that the gays are crazy and incapable of anything resembling real love (by which we mean love between one man and one woman, preferably in a suburb), we are relieved to learn that the author of this piece also sounds rather insane as he unconsciously uses phrases like “too close” to describe his family and then discloses the unsettling fact (in the context of the piece, of course) that neither he nor his brother has ever had a relationship longer than a “brief affair.”
Check out this: “Rather than drive us apart, my admission had bound us closer together.”
Or this: “Our parents recently celebrated their 39th anniversary. Their union has always been one of affectionate gestures and caretaking. You’d think growing up with such stellar role models would help us find healthy long-term relationships, yet neither of us has had a partner for longer than a season.”
OMG, barf! Seriously, is there a 911 for therapy?
Filed under: Gay Man on “Family” (and yes, we’re updating the tally to include the past few weeks, which were two straight women on Zzzzz.)
The updated tally (or why we feel like animals in the zoo): 8 out of 187 columns by openly gay writers; 2 out of 187 on female gay relationships; 0 out of 187 on male gay relationships. In what is arguably the “gayest” section of The Times, more women have written about gay men than gay men have.
Straight Woman on Relationships iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iiii (44)
Straight Woman on Family iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iii (38)
Straight Woman on “Looking for Love” iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii (35)
Straight Woman on Breaking Up iiiii iiiii iiiii iiiii iii (23)
Straight Man on Relationships iiiii iiiii ii (12)
Straight Man on Breakup iiiiii (6)
Straight Woman on Gay Men iiiii i (6)
Straight Man on Family iiiii ii (7)
Straight Man on “Looking for Love” iiiii ii (7)
Gay Man on Family ii (2)
Gay Woman on Relationship ii (2)
Gay Woman on Family ii (2)
Gay Man on Self-Hatred i (1)
Gay Man on Prom Date i (1)
Ambiguous/Nurse on Drugs i (1)
Filed under: Drivel, Gay, Stereotypes, The Gay Recluse, The Times | 7 Comments
Tags: Daniel Jones, Gay Modern Love, Lawrence Everett Forbes, Modern Love
In which The Gay Recluse says great, wtf.
We’ve written before about the vacant house next door, which we’ve been complaining about for close to umm, 10 years. But finally last spring it was declared unsafe, which may mean 1) the city is going to knock it down, or 2) some developer bought it and is going to renovate so that the city won’t force him to knock it down.
Who knows? The good news is that a construction crew showed up the other day and put up scaffolding.
Here’s the bad news:
Thank you, geniuses, for extending your scaffolding all the way over our stoop (without even asking) and putting it directly into the columnar pin oak! We’ve heard that’s really good for trees, especially if you leave the scaffolding up for a few years.
File under: be careful what you ask for, especially when the city’s involved.
Filed under: Architecture, Government, New York City, The Gay Recluse, Washington Heights | 1 Comment
Tags: Columnar Pin Oaks, Department of Buildings, Geniuses, Scaffolding, Stoops
The Gay Recluse 