On Two Very Similar Stories, One Miraculous and One Ultimately Tragic

04Jan08

Did you see the story in today’s Times about the man — the window washer — who fell 47 stories (500 feet) and survived? He’s in the hospital and while basically a bag of broken bones, doctors say he should be walking within a year. Incredible. It reminds us of when we were at Cornell and that sorority girl (totally drunk) was stumbling back to Collegetown one night and managed to fall off Cascadilla Bridge, the one where everyone goes to commit suicide. Equally miraculous as the window-washer scenario, however, was that she landed on a raccoon, which happened to be ambling along some 250 feet below at the water’s edge; not only did the raccoon cushion her fall, but she was too drunk to die from fright, which is what we were told usually happens to those traveling at accelerating speeds toward an unforgiving earth. In any event, the girl suffered only scrapes and a concussion while — for all you animal lovers out there — the raccoon was treated at the veterinary school and survived with a broken paw. We wish that this was the end of the story — it’s almost enough to make you believe in something, right? — or that we could tell you about the many ways this woman went on to repay the karmic debt she had so obviously incurred. But alas, we are here to report that in an incredibly sad twist of fate, she grew up to become Ann Coulter.

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