At the opera last week, we ran into a friend who we were surprised to note had gained at least 500 pounds since we had last seen him.

“You’ve gained weight,” we said, not wanting to ignore the obvious. “Are you in good health?”

More than good,” he nodded enthusiastically, and then began to explain. “As you know, in my 3,452 years on this earth, I have been a Cynic and a Stoic and a Skeptic, all pursuits that came with much derision from the ancients, but which hardly prepared me for the torment I later suffered as a Christian — remind me what that means again? — when I was drawn and quartered, immersed into vats of boiling oil and made to bleed through a thousand pinpricks inserted into every inch of my body. Nevertheless, this was inconsequential in comparison to the life I led as one of India’s untouchables, when I ate rat tails and cockroaches for three centuries, but at last I moved to Africa, where I was captured by a neighboring tribe and sold to slave traders, who brought me to America in chains. Here, of course, I was beaten and whipped and made to suffer every indignity known to man, all of which became a fond memory during the decades I spent back in Europe, first as a communist in Paris during the Franco-Prussian War and then as a Jew in the decades leading up to the Holocaust. I don’t have to describe the unending torrent of verbal and physical abuse I have suffered more recently as a transgendered gay man, other than to note the ten or fifteen times I have been abducted, assaulted and left to die on a barren, windswept field or vacant lot thousands of miles from anywhere I have ever called home.” At this point he extended his arms, palms up, as if to make a bow.

“You are a virtual catalog of scorn and suffering,” we offered by way of response, and not without admiration.

“Yes, I suppose I am,” he sighed, “but alas, in the modern world, so many of the old hatreds have been cheapened and dulled; cities are again on the rise and unfortunately for me this means ambiguity and — dare I say it — tolerance.” His eyes brightened. “But let’s not be maudlin! Life is so much better now that I’m obese! Even here you can see all the people staring and gawking as we stand here harmlessly conversing! Look, here comes Dick Cavett! You see how offended he is? Yes, it’s so beautiful to once again revel in the purest vein of antagonism society has to offer! And what unadulterated joy to spit it back in their faces!”


Andrew Sullivan and his conservative ilk should realize that we too — and despite easily falling on the “left-liberal” side of the coin — can never digest more than a word or two of Bob Herbert’s stultifying prose before falling asleep. It’s unfortunate, because we ride the C-train with the same class of forgotten gilded-age untouchables he so tediously purports to represent and agree with Herbert that the lives they (we) lead are far from hopeful. (We also wonder how many economists like Brad DeLong, for all of his rosy statistics, can say the same?) Liberals deserve better than Bob Herbert (Paul Krugman is hardly any better), but there has been a hole in our heart ever since Walter Benjamin was killed trying to escape the Nazis.


As we turn the corner from the Upper Riverside Drive onto 160th Street in Washington Heights, the intricate but repetitive brickwork of the apartment palace lulls us into a dream in which we hear the droning, distorted guitars of Spacemen 3. This was the “Heroin” of our youth, the soundtrack of delirious, pretentious ambivalence for everything society has to offer. Can you hear it now, whispering in your ear? If not, here’s a translation: “Fuck the 1960s! Welcome to a real revolution!”


The deserted, haunted quality of the oldest mansion in Manhattan is — like so much of Washington Heights — almost exhilarating when you consider the extremes of neglect it has endured to join us here today. The sign tells us that George Washington made his headquarters here during the fall of 1776, following a British retreat at the Battle of Harlem Heights. This seems like a long time ago, until we wonder if perhaps the English elms remember; then again, we reconsider, they have so many reasons to look forlorn.

We stop to listen more closely and from within the house we hear the low murmur of conversation; apparently President Washington has returned to dine with John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, John Quincy Adams (future presidents, these three), along with Alexander Hamilton, Henry Knox and Candy Darling also in attendance.


Bravo, Andrew! Your dismissal of “community” was a pleasure to read, even if it did make us wish you would find a similarly pessimistic lens through which to analyze political regimes and nation building. But no matter, this is an important notion, one that faithful readers of The Gay Recluse will recognize as the foundation of our first post, almost ten years ago today. Though it cannot be doubted that we live in a world rich with opportunity and wonder, we should not deceive ourselves into thinking that it is also not (and more often, as history is all too willing to remind any who care to look) host to depths of longing and despair made all the worse by those who delude themselves into thinking that we are ever more than utterly alone (but in this one way only, utterly together).


On Norma

10Nov07

Yesterday — what luck! — a final dress rehearsal for Norma at the Metropolitan Opera. The first thing we note, incredibly enough, is that the audience on average is even older than the one into which we immersed ourselves the other night at Aida. Can you imagine it? What a rare oasis from capitalism! How distant and irrelevant the tedious world of commerce and stock exchanges seems here, where the only currency is free tickets to the show, a chance to reflect on our past under the brilliant halo of artistry instead of the maudlin light of nostalgia.

And what an opera! What performers! Even at this ungodly hour — the rehearsal starts at 11 am — they give us their souls. We are quickly engrossed in Bellini’s bel canto society, ruled by high priestesses and pagan gods; as we watch Norma and Adalgisa reaffirm their “friendship,” only one thought of the modern world intrudes: a female commandeer-in-chief and her aide-de-camp, pledging allegiance to each other at the expense of the world around them? Is this not what we could expect from the election of Rudy Giuliani and his lesbian lover Bernard Kerik?

For the rest of my life
I shall always stay with you.
The earth is big enough
To shelter us both from love.
Together with you, courageously,
We shall fight outrageous Destiny,
As long as in our breasts
Our loving hearts shall beat…

But we could be persuaded to vote for anyone who could sing with even 1 percent of the beauty of Hasmik Papian (the Norma) and Dolora Zajick (Adalgisa). How do they do it? We could never tire of such beauty and technique! To hear their voices in perfect coloratura sync is to imagine Odysseus lashed to the mast of his ship, listening to the Sirens, longing to be steered to his death.


Last night we were pleased to be joined by New York Times critic Janet Maslin, who earlier this week treated us to her review of Boom, the new memoir by Tom Brokaw about life in the 1960s. Generally Maslin appears to have enjoyed the book, which she describes as “a response to the yearning for connection,” essentially an invitation for those of us who were not fortunate enough to have lived through that era to see it through the eyes of Mr. Brokaw, “a canny, perceptive interviewer with an honest interest in what other people have to say.” Still, the book is not without its minor flaws, and one in particular that Maslin pointed to caught our attention: “(The emergence of gay culture,” Maslin notes (and the parenthical is hers), “is notably absent from this book’s panorama.)”

It was with this in mind that we invited Maslin (a former film critic) uptown to screen Different from Others, the recovered fragment of a silent movie initially released in Germany in 1919 but subsequently destroyed by censors. In the film, a promising young concert violinist is blackmailed under Section 175 of the German Penal Code (passed in 1871 and repealed in 1994), which outlawed “unnatural vice between men.” Although the blackmailer is eventually caught and sent to jail, the hero of the movie is also sentenced to jail, at which point he loses his career and reputation, and subsequently (as commonly happened during this time period) killed himself.

After, we spoke with Maslin about whether the film falls outside of the bounds of gay culture as she understands it.

Janet Maslin: Well, I see where you’re headed with this, and while there’s a part of me that wants to admit that “OK, there was clearly some homosexuality before 1968,” I’m not sure you could describe it as “gay.” I mean, did you see any discos or hairdressers? (Laughs.)

TGR: Well, the main character was a musician — does that count?

Janet Maslin: It might, except he’s a classical musician! Is that “gay”? I think not! It’s not like he’s in a boy band or something where you’re like: “so gay.” (Laughs.) Seriously, where’s Madonna? Where’s Cher? Where’s Judy Garland? How can you have a “gay” movie without gay icons? I mean, look at you — you have an entire wall over there filled with pictures of Maria Callas, Greta Garbo, Candy Darling and Marlene Dietrich: how gay is that? Did you see anything like that in the movie? Did you exist as a gay recluse before 1968? Answer? I don’t think so!

TGR: So give us your impressions of the scene with Leonardo da Vinci: would it be fair to call him “gay”?

Janet Maslin: Look, Leonardo da Vinci might have been an artist but he was also a brilliant scientist and as everyone who reads the New York Times knows, you can’t be a gay scientist. Designer yes, architect mayyybee, but scientist? Sorry, but no. It’s just not a rational choice.

TGR: So I guess you would say the the same about Ludwig II, who also featured prominently in the “parade of homosexuals”?

Janet Maslin: Well, yeah — obviously if you’re talking pre-1968, there’s no way you could be a political leader — or God-appointed monarch — and also be gay; it was just unthinkable! Think of it this way: you can’t be an apple and an orange!

TGR: Janet, thanks again for coming all the way up to Washington Heights to clarify that for us. We’ll look forward to talking to you again soon.


Stark and imperial, during the day the white travertine facade of the Metropolitan Opera seems as inviting as a walk across a desert, but at night glows like a beacon to the modern, urban spirit in which it was conceived. The cloud-like apparitions of Chagall’s paintings hypnotize us and soften the disdain of the high roman arches through which we pass into the grand lobby. Though we have already seen this opera — Aida — many times and do not consider it among our favorites, we are nevertheless curious to see what is about to unfold; i.e., we feel alive. As always at the Met, we also feel young; our program tells us that the average attendee is roughly 125 years of age, with the mean somewhat less than that, at 112. Glancing around at our fellow theater-goers, this seems about right, and we are honored to be in the presence of those who have lived so long, through times — and it is hard to imagine this — even worse that what we know today. Yet no matter what joy and despair their lives have seen — and is it conceivable that anyone over a certain age has not had more than enough of both? — we are consoled by the idea that in the future, as long as we have $___ to spend on an orchestra seat (preferably no further back than row M), we too will be able, at least for these few hours, to step back from our life and examine it as a painter would an unfinished canvass. 

But as the opera begins we remain aloof, hardly moved by the tenor, though his voice is pleasing enough; nor, for all of her enthusiasm, does the Aida seem particularly compelling, although again, we have certainly seen worse. At this point we are more impressed by the unapologetically rich production; the vastness of the stage and the towering Egyptian statues that recede hundreds of feet into the dim sky above. Each costume is a study in fabulous detail, an inspiration to all with even the slightest appreciation for the incredible, transformative power of artifice. Then, as the opera continues, we find ourselves increasingly taken with Amneris, not only as a character but with the mezzo — and this would be Luciana D’Intino — portraying her. Her voice is perhaps not the most beautiful — it would never be compared to a nightingale or a running stream — but in its harsh passion and diamond technique it is unsurpassed; to hear it is to understand why the Met was built to such a scale of epic power and dimension, even at the expense of overwhelming the many lesser mortals who dare to take its endless stage. But Luciana D’Intino is clearly at home here: each time she sings we move a little closer to the edge of our seat, as if we truly didn’t know the vengeance she has planned; our thoughts race with memories of old records and the ache of distant love; we have to remind ourselves to breathe. And did we mention the brilliant acting and stage direction? Look at how she grips that feather fan as she taunts Aida! And the malicious hauteur with which she gathers her robes before taking her seat in the procession! Or how she slyly fingers the jewels of her necklace as her father the king announces his intention to marry her to Radames. Nobody has ever been prouder or more vindictive and we utterly believe her declarations to crush anyone or anything that prevents her from obtaining the one thing she can’t have, i.e., the one she loves.  But we feel a strange sympathy for her; the passion she feels seems to be our own, as will the inevitable, looming shock and subsequent resignation that comes with seeing her past blindness for what it was and her understanding of the futility to change the cold, dogmatic world in which she too is doomed to live.

Met Inside


After yesterday’s post on the gay voice and American literature, we were invited to lead a panel discussion with A.O. Scott, Edward Rothstein, Michael Kimmelman, and Judith Warner, four critics from The Times whose work in recent weeks has been subjected to scrutiny from The Gay Recluse. The focus of our talk was Zen Arcade by Hüsker Dü ; long recognized but increasingly forgotten as one of the greatest rock albums of the 1980s, it is a post-hardcore masterpiece of dissonance and brilliant songcraft, a double-LP “concept” album filled with a discordant anger that expands on the political tone of earlier Husker efforts into a new territory marked by psychological violence, dismay and — arguably — resignation.

——————————-

A.O. Scott: Look, for the record — get it? (laughs) –I think this is a great fucking album that belongs in any serious record collection. Hüsker Dü was one of my favorite bands in high school; I don’t listen to them anymore because it would hurt my kids’ ears and my wife would yell at me — which I hate — but I think it’s a cultural touchstone for anyone interested in underground music from the 80s.

TGR: Judith, how do you remember the 80s?

Judith Warner: For me, when I listen to this, it reminds me of when I used to go to rock shows in college with my friends. And that was a really hard time for people–I saw some drug addicts in the East Village, which was horrible, and there were homeless people, too! I just thank god it’s all behind us now. Would this record even be made today? I don’t think so–it’s too pessimistic. Is that a bad thing? Am I wrong to say no?

Edward Rothstein: I agree with Judy. What I don’t like about this music is not only that it’s pessimistic, but that it’s very angry-sounding, which upsets me. It’s kind of like reading Friedrich Nietzsche: you’re just like, why is this guy so angry and how does it help anything? It’s kind of inhuman, and does it really make for any kind of meaningful discourse in the community?

Michael Kimmelman: I understand what Ed is saying, but I probably wouldn’t go so far in my dismissal. The 80s under Reagan were a period of political conservatism, which led to some interesting forms of artistic expression, and this album is a good example of that; America, of course, doesn’t have a long memory for anything, but I think you could probably draw some parallels between what happened then and what’s happening now.

The Gay Recluse: Let’s talk about “When Pink Turns To Blue,” the Grant Hart song about a heroine overdose. Do you think it’s a stretch to locate this song in particular within what might be called a “gay” narrative tradition?

A.O. Scott: To me, when I hear that kind of question, my response is “agenda!” (Laughs.) It’s one thing to justify a tradition for ethnic minorities — or even gender, if you want to point to certain feminist works — but I think it really pushes the envelope of plausibility to locate this song in a “gay” tradition, much less the entire album.

Edward Rothstein: Isn’t the question of homosexuality really irrelevant here? I mean, so what if Grant Hart is gay? Or even Bob Mould for that matter? The song — which by the way hurts my ears — is obviously about a drug overdose, and it really just distracts — no, diminishes — to imply that the narrator is to any degree gay. There’s just no evidence.

The Gay Recluse: What about the symbolism of pink for girls and blue for boys, and the blurring of the two? Isn’t that a perfect encapsulation of coming out, at least for a guy? Is it fair to entirely dismiss this kind of interpretation?

Michael Kimmelman: I think it is, mostly because it’s just too simplistic given the sophistication of the song. It’s also like what Edward was saying about evidence, namely: where is it? (Laughs.) Now, if you want to look at through a political lens — especially the “no more rope and too much dope” line, which has overtones in a lot of the Soviet blok art made at the same period — well, that makes a lot more sense to me.

The Gay Recluse: Thank you all for both your time and your insight.

“Pink Turns to Blue” (G. Hart)

Going out each day to score
She was no whore
But for me
Celebrating every day
The way
She thought it should be

And I don’t know what to do
Now that pink has turned to blue

She was always by my side
And never tried
To leave
Standing up for me
And like a tree
For what she believed

No more rope
And too much dope
She’s lying on the bed
Angels pacing
Gently placing
Roses ’round her head


Ferocious and (like all plants) unapologetic, the wisteria growing in the vacant lot next door is poised to take over the entire crumbling shell of the adjacent building (and possibly our life along with it!). Nor — like some — are we deceived by the delicate and emphemeral blooms of the morning glory, which (equally invasive) are more than happy to go along for the ride. Contemplating the scene, we are reminded of a trip we once took through the Yucatan Peninsula to the ancient city of Coba. Once the size of Los Angeles, most of it is now covered in vines; hills seen in the distance are in fact buried monuments of a civilization even more lost than ours.


In reading great works of literature, we are sometimes struck by the presence of what could be termed a “gay voice.” It is a voice that resonates with perspective of the sexually-oriented “outsider,” so that we come away with an understanding (and it does not have arrive by way of a literal representation) that “heterosexuality” is, like certain governmental regimes, the subject of some dissonance, if not revolt. Further, it is typically a voice that conveys an ambivalence for the present, a fundamental pessimism (in the philosophical sense) with regard to life, and an understanding that only the most obsessively detailed examination of the past can bring us any sense of reconciliation with a present in which we so obviously do not belong, or at least are not wanted by the more established and powerful elements of society. Though many writers can be said to possess such a voice to greater or lesser degrees, nobody epitomizes the gay voice more than Marcel Proust, although Thomas Mann and Virginia Woolf are also heroic examples from the 20th century.

With this in mind, we would like to ask why no such equivalent master can be said to exist in 20th-century American literature, at least by any popular reckoning. To wit: perhaps you remember last year when The Times Book Review sent out surveys to — in the words of critic A.O. Scott – “a couple of hundred prominent writers, critics, editors and other literary sages, asking them to please identify ‘the single best work of American fiction published in the last 25 years.’” Topping the list was Toni Morrison’s Beloved, followed by works of Don Delillo (Libra, White Noise) and Cormac McCarthy, and then filled out by the usual suspects such as Updike and Roth, along with a few more obscure volumes (none of which were even remotely gay; not even Michael Cunningham – a writer who comes closest to meeting the parameters we set out above — received a passing mention).

What’s interesting about Scott’s 3849-word (!) essay, however, is that as he progresses back in time to examine trends and influences, the gay voice becomes more prevalent (not that he ever acknowledges it; Scott is much like his colleague Edward Rothstein in the respect that “gayness” never seems to matter to him). Thus in the post-war period, only Naked Lunch (William S. Burroughs) is mentioned as a book of importance, while in the pre-war period Willa Cather is listed. Most impressively, however, of the four 19th-century writers he discusses – Poe, Hawthorne, Melville, and Twain – two of them (Hawthorne and Melville) are clear masters of the gay voice.

Not, again, that Scott discusses any of this in gay terms; his attention is focused on the question of race, as if it is the only story worth telling: “It is worth remarking,” he writes, “that the winner of the 1965 Book Week poll, Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man, arose from a similar impulse to bring the historical experience of black Americans, and the expressive traditions this experience had produced, into the mainstream of American literature. Or, rather, to reveal that it had been there all along, and that race, far from being a special or marginal concern, was a central facet of the American story. On the evidence of Ellison’s and Morrison’s work, it is also a part of the story that defies the tenets of realism, or at least demands that they be combined with elements of allegory, folk tale, Gothic and romance.”

While we are not at all inclined to disagree with Scott’s analysis with regard to Toni Morrison, we are left wondering why he would not mention a similar impulse on the part of gay Americans, particularly when – given writers such as Melville, Hawthorne, and (above all) Henry James – it was a tradition that already existed in the American literary canon! Shouldn’t its absence constantly beg the question of what happened? Supposedly Scott is writing a book about the post-war American novel; we can only hope that he will redeem himself with an honest appraisal of what has been lost in our literary tradition, as well as what has been gained.

Another more recent example underscores the point; just last week in a profile of Hungarian writer Peter Nadas, Times critic Michael Kimmelman tells us that Nadas’ 1986 work The Book of Memories invited comparisons to Proust and Mann and was proclaimed by Susan Sontag to be “the greatest novel written in our time, and one of the great books of the century.” It is a work, Kimmelman explains, that deals “eloquently with the obligations and moral conundrums of memory, private and collective.” All well and good, except that Kimmelman does not once refer to the gay tradition in which Nadas’ book must be located if you’re going to compare it to Proust and Mann. He does not mention that the protagonist of Nadas’ work is – if not “gay” — obsessively in love with another man, or that his political dissonance is shared by a sexual one. Instead (like Scott in this respect) Kimmelman frames the issue of Nadas’ voice exclusively in political terms, i.e., the author’s youth in Hungary under a Soviet-installed regime. He even goes so far as to quote the author when he (i.e., Nadas) posits whether an American (presumably living under a less politically oppressive regime) could ever understand “how deformed the thoughts and actions of someone can become who for years has used their mother tongue for hiding thoughts rather than for expressing them? How meaning slips around in the shadow of words, hissing through the gaps in their definitions?” Has there ever been a clearer enunciation of what it means to be gay in this country? Yet it is not ever acknowledged as such by Kimmelman, who would rather attribute the lack of any American contemporary to Nadas as a function of “American amnesia.”

We are here to tell Kimmelman that it has nothing to do with amnesia, but with a concerted, institutionalized homophobia that has endured for the better part of five centuries and which most recently has been exacerbated by the death of however many tens of thousands of gay men in the United States, countless numbers of whom populated the ranks of the publishing industry, not only as writers, but as agents and editors. These are the men who might have fought (against both homophobia and the more capitalistic pressures that have always been opposed to literary fiction) for a new Proust or James (or for that matter, a Nadas), but whose deaths left a vacuum still filled by those who, by definition, are less sympathetic to the gay voice. Is it any wonder, then, that of the new generation of American literary talents – Franzen, Chabon, Lethem, Eugenides, Sebold – not one can be said to have a gay voice? Or that the biggest-selling literary works about gay men in recent years were written by women (Annie Proulx, Julia Glass)? To attribute this diseased state of affairs to “amnesia” is not only insulting to those of us who understand the ugly and tragic truth, but it perpetuates the myth that the gay voice is something relatively new in the literary canon, dating only to the slender “coming-out” novels of the fifties and sixties, and a justification for its current status as a fringe element of literary fiction or – worst of all – a form of genre fiction.

The truth is in our hands: we, too, have a history of oppression and a corresponding literary tradition that should be taught in the schools to ensure that it will be taken up by future writers and poets! We already have our Toni Morrison, and his name is Henry James and Herman Melville! It is even the criminally marginalized James Purdy, Andrew Holleran and Samuel Delaney! To fight for our civil rights is one thing, but it is equally important to fight for our literary voice in a culture that belongs to us as much as anyone else; our stories are here within us, we shouldn’t have to beg to have them recognized, or apologize to have them told.

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On Marathons

04Nov07

Good luck, runners! On this day of the New York City Marathon, we remember years ago, when we too joined the tens of thousands who sprinted across the Verrazano Narrows before stretching out into a line of hope and desperation that snaked through the five boroughs. Then of course we were strong and idealistic enough to run marathons; we had the power and courage and discipline to break through the vaunted walls that would always hit somewhere around Mile 21, when we crossed out of the Bronx and into Harlem. But now that we’re older, the thought of such a physically punishing regime no longer entices us; rather, it reminds us of the even more punishing marathon of life, and the truly impenetrable walls we must always face.


There was a sleeping man, presumably homeless, in the subway station; as we approached, he turned over and gazed at us with eyes like those of a beaten animal, which is to say both fearful and imploring. He cleared his throat and began to speak in a surprisingly deep and resonant voice, which echoed in the subterranean cavern where we stood. He described his childhood as one of privilege in which no expense had been spared on his well-being and education; as a young man, filled with idealism, he had traveled across plains and over mountains to stand on the shores of vast oceans and proclaim them as his own; returning home he had built an empire of wealth greater than any the world had ever known.

“So how did you end up in the subway station at 163rd Street and Amsterdam Avenue?”

“How should I know?” Suddenly belligerent, he threw an empty bottle at us, but his aim was off and it smashed harmlessly against the wall.

Suddenly we recognized him!

But rather than risk further provocation, we backed away and left him in his corner. The C-train was already approaching and we did not want to miss our morning commute.

Homeless Guy


Each morning Zephyr wakes up and positions himself in front of the western window, where he sits perfectly still as the new day permeates the gray dawn.

“For one so young, you seem remarkably serene,” we noted as we passed by to announce that breakfast would be imminently served.

“It is true that I have lived for just slightly over a year,” he said, though he did not turn around to address us. “But I can only expect to last 10 to 12 more. In human terms, this would make me at least 80 or 90 years old; old enough, in other words, so that I must take beauty when and where it is offered, even in the form of a sunrise reflected in New Jersey’s most ill-conceived apartment towers.”

Palisades


On Free Speech

02Nov07

Certain misguided if likable (at least in the case of Andrew Sullivan) conservatives and libertarians are questioning the verdict against “asshole of metaphysically transcendent proportion” Fred Phelps, who with his “church” picketed the funeral of a gay marine, as a potentially “bad precedent” for First Amendment free-speech rights. For those untrained in the nuances of constitutional law — and with some regret we admit that we do not belong to this group — we would like to simply point out that the First Amendment has never been a carte blanche to say whatever you want wherever you want to say it. (The classic case is the prohibition against screaming “Fire” in a crowded movie theater.)  Nobody is disputing Phelps’ right to express his idiotic views; the government (and by extension, its laws, whether statutory or common-law based) is simply limiting the forum in which he can do so. We think that this is hardly unreasonable in the context of funerals, just as it is reasonable to limit the rights of proselytizers (or anyone else, really) to say, set up a loudspeaker in front of your house and preach at you all day and night. Those who latch onto to the Phelps case as an example of government excess are really doing themselves an injustice, unless it is their desire to present themselves as unthinking morons.  


We leave work and walk the long blocks from Madison to Sixth Avenue. We hurry down the stairs into the station, where we mindlessly extract our card from our wallet and slide it through the reader. In the distance we can sense the deep, subterranean rumble of what is surely an empty uptown D-train approaching the station.

Our heart quickens. “God,” we pray as the electronic reader makes us “swipe again” at the turnstile before allowing us to pass through, “let us make this train. Let us this one time have good D-train karma and not have to wait twenty minutes on the brown-tiled subway platform as rows and rows of tired, angry souls heading to uptown Manhattan and the Bronx pile up around us, so that we will not be forced onto a crowded train on which there will be pushing and shoving and the dispensing of what we have learned is the lowest insult in the world (or at least in this world), which is to call someone a cock-sucking faggot.”

We can now hear the train as it roars into the station. Still praying, we start to run down the awkwardly inclined ramp, ever deeper into the bowels of the ungainly monster that is the 34th Street subway station (or for those who like malls: “Herald Square”). We approach the final set of stairs and our spirits sink; already there are one or two people at the top, which means that the train will have already opened its doors, and we are not in reach.

But we press on and maneuver through a group of lumbering tourists in order to reach the top of the steps. At last we see the actual train, which like a winded animal is apparently (blissfully) resting for a few glorious seconds, its doors open and willing to receive us. Giddy at the prospect of deliverance, we fly down the stairs, only to be confronted with a straggling, oblivious passenger from an F-train, who causes us to alter our path just slightly to avoid running him down.

Though minor, it is a costly deviation: we arrive at the train just in time to hear the annoying, double-toned “ding-dong” and the clamp of the shutting doors. We caress the smooth metal shell of the train as it lurches into motion; we note the screech of turning wheels and the empty expanse of the platform in front of us. But if our fate is never to catch an empty D-train and to always ride the crowded one, we now accept this with less impatience than resignation; once again, it seems, God has betrayed us and we feel relieved to refute His Existence.


Today we accepted a Halloween gift of a candy apple, which we considered for a moment before we were transported to the last time we encountered one, this just a few days after 9/11 (which is not to say this is a story about 9/11). Like so many others, we had gone down to walk among the smoking ruins and gape at the thick layers of dust left on the buildings south of Canal Street. We passed a candy store on Chambers Street and impulsively (oddly) purchased a candy apple. This done, we went to the park by City Hall, where we admired the apple’s translucent red armor in the heavy sun; but as much as its artificial splendor enticed us, we could not manage more than a few bites before we gave up and threw it away; the apple itself was the opposite of crisp and the candy hurt our teeth.

Our thoughts now drift back to the present, where soon — almost instantly — we succumb to our next memory, this one older and far more compelling; there is a familiar wave of distortion we don’t even need to hear to recognize; there is a heavy, plodding bass; there are the maniacal drumbeats and insistent, obsessive cymbals; most of all there is the angry melancholy of Bob Mould who screams into our thoughts and reminds us of what it’s like to be alive:

“Shatters your brain in a million tiny pieces
The sounds you hear aren’t coming out right
You think it might be mystic, you think I might be cryptic
The crystal in your china case is breaking in a million tiny pieces”


Unlike The Times, which in honor of today’s Halloween festivities speculated about paranormal activity in different luxury apartment buildings around the city — e.g., The Ansonia, The Dakota — we are more inclined to look at the question from a slightly different angle; to wit: is there anyone who walks down Broadway between 96th and 59th Streets and does not feel suffocated by the sepulchral whispers of unfathomable amounts of money being passed across marble counters, as if the entire Upper West Side had been transformed into the lobby of a bank?


Is there any doubt that one did not lead directly to the other, that our collective misery in Bush’s incapable but malevolent hands is only slightly more extreme than it was twenty years ago when we were in the same situation with Reagan? Those who defend Reagan but criticize Bush display a disregard of history that seems to arise from a blind nostalgia (which is to say, a pernicious optimism) for a past when we were younger and even more naive than we are now.

To quote Rousseau: “Sors de l’enfance, ami, réveille-toi!” (“Quit thy childhood, friend, and wake up!”)


As part of our ongoing series this primary season, we met with Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani, who came all the way up to Washington Heights to discuss one of his favorite topics: correct service for the formal and informal table.

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The Gay Recluse: Rudy, as mayor you were associated with a hard-nosed approach to table service. How has your position evolved, if at all, now that you’re reaching out to a national audience?

Rudy Giuliani: I’m not sure I would say it’s evolved at all. I’ve long claimed that the charming thing about table setting is that it is more and more coming to be creation of one’s individual taste. Indeed, many a woman unable to get domestic help has found a new delight in her table through handling her fine linens, china, glass, and silverware herself and in making them express her inborn love of beauty and good taste.

TGR: And how strictly to you plan to adhere to the rules of construction?

RG: Today, in place of one set of rigid rules for table setting, I would say there have grown two distinct types of usage. One is for the formal affair — breakfast, luncheon, or dinner. This usage is still based on formal rules, yet still allows for more personal latitude than before. The other usage is homey and intimate — nicely ordered rather than formal, and always individual — the sort of thing that makes the guest feel instantly at home. The main difference is that in this more informal table service everything is left to the taste and convenience of the hostess.

TGR: That sounds great in theory, but how does it play out in the real world?

RG: All the silverware except that for the dessert or sweet and the demitasse is placed on the table at once; and the several dishes are served by those at the table, or passed from hand to hand. In short, the woman of position who serves her own table follows two main principals: her table setting is planned to make the service as expeditious and unobtrusive as possible, and she is very careful to serve each course with its appropriate silverware.

TGR: Now for the hard question: what is your favorite meal of the day?

RG: Like many, I tend to think dinner is the pleasantest meal of the day. Whether guests are entertained or the family dines alone, the table should be as charming as it can be made. I recommend a white damask cloth be used, with large dinner napkins to match. Unshaded candles give a most delightful glow to the polished silver and sparkling glassware. The centerpiece, of course, is of flowers.

TGR: I know you’re dying to tell me, so please —

RG: (Laughs.) The silverware! Let’s see–if oysters are served, the Oyster Fork is generally placed at the extreme right. Then follow the Soup Spoon and, nearest the plate, the Knife for the roast, with the cutting edge toward the plate. Tea Spoons, when used, are placed to the right of plate — just outside the knife. The glass for water stands just above the knife. On the left is the Meat Fork and, next to the plate, the Salad Fork. If fish is served, the Dessert Fork is used for it and this is placed to the left of the Meat Fork. If additional forks and knives are needed they are put on the table during dinner.

TGR: You’ve been involved in some pretty heated exchanges on the butter dish — where exactly do you stand on that?

RG: My view is really quite simple: the bread-and-butter plate, when used at dinner, occupies its customary place above the fork. Across the right side is placed the Butter Spreader. At formal dinners butter is not served and, consequently, the plate and spreader are omitted. But as few families care to observe this rule except on ceremonious occasions, the butter plate with its spreader is found on most dinner tables. End of story!

TGR: That seems clear. I know time is running short, but perhaps you could leave us with a few words about breakfast? Is it true that you like to skip it completely?

RG: Hardly! It’s true that breakfast is usually the least formal meal of the day, but this only means that it should be made one of the the most enjoyable! Obviously, the table service at breakfast necessarily depends upon the courses served. Instead of a large white cloth, mats and runners of plain or embroidered linen or crash are used. The usual order of service is the fruit course first, followed by cereal, and then by the main course, consisting of eggs, fish or meat, with coffee, and a hot bread or toast. But remember: if the hostess serves the coffee on the table the coffee service is placed before her together with each cup in its saucer, and the Tea Spoon is laid on the saucer before it is passed.

TGR: Thanks so much for your time, Rudy, and good luck with the rest of the campaign.

Rudy: Thank you — as always, it’s been always a pleasure.

Garden Statue

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