In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinions in The Times.

Frank Rich/Party Like It’s 2008

The Short Version: Friends, thank you! I, Frank Rich, have won the Democratic primary!

In his words: “This is not 2004, when another Democrat from Massachusetts did for windsurfing what the previous model did for tanks.”

Score: B- (Blather)
Given that we endorsed Obama in January, we’re quite pleased to see him as the nominee. Less pleasing is Rich’s meandering “gee whiz, times are different” column, which comes off as presumptuous after all the anti-Clinton hysteria he served up in the past few months. You almost get the sense that Rich thinks he was nominated for president after a long battle, and this is his acceptance speech. Yuck.

Thomas Friedman/Call Your Mother

The Short Version: My mother was quite a character.

In his words: “But every time life knocked her down, she got up, dusted herself off and kept on marching forward, motivated by the saying that pessimists are usually right, optimists are usually wrong, but most great changes were made by optimists.”

The Score: B (Benign)
Although we are a little perturbed by Friedman’s (mis)characterization of the true essence of pessimism, we were touched by this portrait of his mother, who recently died after what sounds like a fairly incredible life.

Nicholas Kristof/Saving the World in Study Hall

The Short Version: Kids do the greatest things!

In his words: “But even when greedy, self-absorbed cynics take on some worthy cause for the most selfish motives, they often learn and grow from the experience.”

Score: D (Dopey)
We’re all for kids doing stuff to save the world, but what we don’t like is the implication that it can be a substitute for effective government. But mostly this column made us want to sit around and get high and watch teevee, which is the ultimate goal of advanced civilizations like ours.

Maureen Dowd/Is She a Trojan Rabbit?

The Short Version: OMG! Hillary as veepee? I’m funnee!

In her words: “Obama will never be at his best around Hillary; she drains him of his magical powers.”

The Score: D- (Draining)
Dumping on Hillary Clinton at this point feels makes Dowd seem like a zany stand-up comic playing to an empty room at two in the morning. Sad.