On Our Question to the Straights: Why Are 100 Percent of Our Single Female Friends (and 95 Percent of Those Who Are Married) So Disenchanted with Your Men?
In which The Gay Recluse has a “special comment” for the straights.
We’re obviously not the first to point this out, but it nevertheless seems incredible to us that our life in the city — as we approach our 41st year — is in some ways a tired script from a ridiculous sit-com.
We’re talking of course, about dating! Not us, but our friends! Specifically the thousands of ladies we know — talented, smart, artistic, witty, vibrant, financially independent, good-looking (hey, as far as we can tell!) ladies — who are looking for a man, but who in all cases are repeatedly failing to find anyone even remotely plausible.
Nor are these women we would ever describe as having particularly high standards. Take our friend J___, for example, who just wrote that she was considering a date with a 67-year-old man, even though he listed himself as 55 in his profile (she’s 36) and only disclosed his true age after a few e-mail exchanges. “At least he’s honest!” she said.
Or our friend S____, who recently received a pleasant “blind-date” e-mail from a friend of a friend asking if she’d like to get together for a drink. She forwarded us the e-mail and we agreed: the guy sounded completely normal and kind of sweet. We were excited on her behalf! “Sure!” she wrote back, “Call me this weekend and we’ll pick a night for next week.” (Which by the way, he suggested.)
Then he didn’t call until Tuesday of the following week, explaining that he had a friend in town and couldn’t “get away” for the two minutes it would have taken to call. Wtf! Talk about starting off on the wrong foot! How could we blame our friend when she quickly told him that she was leaving the country for the next ten years?
Then another friend of ours recently had this guy follow her around a bar for the better part of a night, begging for her number so that he could take her to dinner. “I’m very traditional,” he claimed more than once. She gave him her number, and of course he never called.
We do have one friend our age — actually, she’s more of a frenemy — who goes on many dates with men. But ha ha, they’re all married! (You might say she’s the “cougar” in the bad teevee show that is our life in this regard.)
So with all of that in mind, we’d like to put the question out there to all you straights, men and women alike: what’s wrong with you? Seriously! Why can’t you treat these ladies with the respect they deserve?
Why can’t you get your act together, pool your resources and help them find eligible mates? (Which does not usually include drug addicts or closet-cases, btw!) Forget the economy for a second, this is a major crisis!
These women have played by the rules of society, and yet you punish them by dashing their hopes of love by setting them up with an astounding parade of freaks and flakes! Why?
If you had your act together, we gays might be more inclined to take your advice on gay marriage a little more seriously! But when we have 10,000 of our closest female friends complaining to us every single day about the Sahara desert that is the dating landscape, you can understand why we’re more than a little skeptical about the “sanctity” of your institution.
Face facts: you’re a mess, and tons of your own people are suffering because of it. As someone else recently pointed out to great effect: it’s time for a change.
Filed under: Conspiracy, Decay, Drivel, Gay, Knockbusters, Landscape, Monopoly, New York City, The Autumn Garden | 7 Comments
Tags: Dating, Japanese Maples, Ladies, Men, Sit-Coms, The Gays, The Straights