In which The Gay Recluse takes a trip to the suburbs.

Last weekend we went flower shopping and on the way back stopped into a brand new Home Depot that was recently built somewhere in Westchester, which is this large land mass north of New York City; sometimes desolate and sometimes beautiful, it is criss-crossed with a gazillion highways and filled with shopping malls! There are many suburban towns there, which remind us of the suburbs of Pittsburgh where we grew up, except these suburbs are in New York and not Pennsylvania. (But as we know from visiting our college friends, there are far more similarities than differences between Mt. Lebanon and say, Scarsdale or Ardsley.)

In any case, the point is that we went and were not sorry because Westchester also has some extremely pleasant garden centers, which is where we like to spend hours and hours wandering through the plants, fantasizing about the day after we hit the lottery and can spend a $1 million on our favorite alpine perennials and specimen trees, preferably on an acre or so in the estate section of Riverdale in a giant mansion with river views. (It’s sad funny how our dreams change as we get older, isn’t it?)

But anyway, we arrived at Home Depot to buy some pots for our much smaller garden in Washington Heights — but hey! we love it anyway — and we took a moment to observe the box-store expanse from the parking lot. We won’t describe it except to say that we assume everyone reading this blog has seen a Home Depot before, and the one we stopped at didn’t look so very different from any of the others we’ve seen. Still, to refresh your memories, here’s a pic:

Kidding! That’s Dante and Zephyr, who of course would like to remind you that not every cat is a lolcat!

Seriously, here’s the Home Depot:

We love this guy, who’s like: “Which way to the Home Depot?”

On our way across the barren desert parking lot, as we steeled ourselves to confront — and likely, purchase! — the soulless but strangely exhilarating array of goods inside, we were struck by what we ultimately decided was the one awesome piece of design at the new Home Depot.

Check it out:

What’s wrong with this picture? Oh right: it doesn’t have a logo.

Our new fantasy is for every item in the grocery store (and pretty much everywhere else, too) to be redesigned like this manhole cover, with a simple cross-hatched pattern and a generic description. Any candidate who wants to pledge to make this happen — given that nobody has responded to our demand for Sunday bagpipe maneuvers in the park — will be getting our vote this November.