Paul Krugman/The B-Word

The Short Version: Bailout!

In his words: “As Bear goes, so will go the rest of the financial system.”

Score: B+ (Bailout)
Krugman predicts more woe for the financial markets, along with an inevitable (and very expensive) buyout. Unfortunately for a lot of people (and U.S. taxpayers), he appears to be right.

Roger Cohen/Obama’s Brother in China

The Short Version: Obama has a brother in China and a sister in Kenya.

In his words: “But you can already see the headlines: Obama has brother in China! You can hear the whisperings about a polygamous father.”

The Score: F (Fantasy)
Cohen seems to be writing in white suburbia of the 1950s in this column, describing “shocking” facts about Obama’s extended family that nobody cares about and ever will. Cohen: “But the Benetton-ad family is less unusual than it may seem.” Really!? OMG!!! You get the sense reading this that it’s really an underhanded attempt to smear Obama by bringing up the same stupid, irrelevant crap (Obama has an Islamic uncle, omg!) he “predicts” — and no doubt, rightly — will be a focus of the Republican campaign this fall. Thing is, 98 percent of Americans and the rest of the world have more important things to worry about.