In which The Gay Recluse reports on real estate in Washington Heights.

A few weeks ago we reported on three vacant lots, two of which seem to be owned by a church and a third by a doctor’s office.

Today, in response to reader e-mails, we thought we’d update you on the latest, which is that the doctors — despite being denied a permit from the city — have continued to run the parking lot. (They are doctors, after all.) This has severely tested the patience of certain neighbors and street parkers; the neighbors apparently don’t like looking an at outdoor parking lot (and we don’t really blame them) and street parkers because parking is already tight on the street, which begs the question of why an illegal parking lot should be allocated curb space.

As a public service to our neighbors and street parkers, we would like to tell you that anybody should feel free to park in front of this “driveway” and be assured that the city will not tow or ticket you, because it is a legal parking spot! Do not be bullied by the idiotic pylons, which are nothing more than idiotic pylons! In short: Park and be free!

But lest we be accused of subjective journalism or maintaining an “agenda,” for those geniuses out there interested in running an illegal parking lot of your own, we now present a five-step pictogram with detailed instructions on how to do it.

Five Steps To an Illegal Parking Lot

Vacant lot not included.