In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.

Frank Rich/Shoddy! Tawdry! A Televised Train Wreck!

The Short Version: That debate was la-la-la-lame!

In his words: “I can’t remember a debate in which the only memorable moment was the audience’s heckling of a moderator.”

Score: D+ (Dated)
The debate already feels like it happened a million years ago, which leaves us more than a little fatigued reading about it yet again.

Nicholas Kristof/Our Favorite Planet

The Short Version: Bush is not exactly showing leadership on global warming.

In his words: “In the best of worlds, it will be enormously difficult to persuade China and India to rely less on coal-fired power plants, and it will be utterly impossible unless we take serious steps ourselves. ”

The Score: D- (Dull)
This column is old news to anyone who has spent even five seconds in the last fifteen years worrying about global warming and the failure of the U.S. to do much of anything about it.

Maureen Dowd/Brush It Off

The Short Version: Obama’s cool — and I love him for it — but he needs a little more heat.

In her words: “He needs to be less philosophical and abstract, and more visceral and personal.”

The Score: B- (Benign)
This is an advice column/love letter from Dowd to Obama, but as Obama supporters, we could live with it.