Today was a tough day on Capitol Hill, where the topic of hot gay statues was taken up and — as usual — soundly defeated. Fortunately, the issue is not entirely moot, and reader Tyler Green was kind enough to point us in the direction of something that until now had escaped our attention:

[This statue is called "Man Controlling Trade" and is by Michael Lantz] the brother of Walter Lantz of Woody Woodpecker fame, from outside the Federal Trade Commission HQ in DC.

Sounds like it might be worth a look?

Whoas. That guy’s controlling something, and it may or may not be “trade.”

Hey, that’s one way to end your “Depression.”

Thanks for the tip, Tyler. Let’s hope the “stimulus plan” delivers everything we were promised, including not only more hot gay statues in the nation’s capital but in every town with a population greater than 100.

Photo credits: Andy961 on Flickr (first) and Eric Marc Crawford on Flickr (second).

The Hot Gay Statue round-up:

• Rules and Guidelines
• Dan Savage Endorsement
• Washington Heights (New York City)
• Washington, DC
• The London Eye Clarifies an Important Issue
• Florence (Italy)
• The Park Avenue Amory (Upper East Side/NYC)
• Murray Hill (New York City)
• Madrid (Spain)
• Los Angeles
• Philadelphia
• The London Eye: “In Your Face”
• The J-Man Inspires
• George Washington
• Georgia (Republic of)
• New Orleans
• Columbus Circle (New York City)
• Two Davids (Florence)
• Franco Harris Statue (Pittsburgh)
• London Firefighters and Other Heroes
• Columbus Circle Mall (New York City)
• Miami
• Paris
• Grand Central Station (New York City)
• Albany, New York
• Chicago
• Albany, New York (Hot Gay Statute)
• The Metropolitan Museum (New York City)
• University of Southern California (Los Angeles)
• More Getty Villa (Los Angeles)
• Union Station Centurions (Washington, DC)
• Hot Gay Ladies in Washington Heights (New York City)
• Honolulu
• Stockholm
• Florence (Italy) II
• Vienna
• San Francisco

Today we heard from Mike, who’s taking a break from Rottin’ in Denmark to travel our great country in search of hot gay statues (among other things). He writes:

I was shocked when I found this in SF this week. Does it count? It’s about as hot and gay as America gets. . .

As always, we’re intrigued. Let’s check these shots out to see if Mike has finally put San Francisco on the HGS map.

Hey, what’s that hot guy doing in the park?

Crank it brosephine.

Hello! (NSFW!?)

So yeah, we don’t know what everyone else thinks, but we’d say this guy more than “counts.” Thanks for putting San Francisco on the map, Mike — the city (and the country) should all be grateful.

The Hot Gay Statue round-up:

• Rules and Guidelines
• Dan Savage Endorsement
• Washington Heights (New York City)
• Washington, DC
• The London Eye Clarifies an Important Issue
• Florence (Italy)
• The Park Avenue Amory (Upper East Side/NYC)
• Murray Hill (New York City)
• Madrid (Spain)
• Los Angeles
• Philadelphia
• The London Eye: “In Your Face”
• The J-Man Inspires
• George Washington
• Georgia (Republic of)
• New Orleans
• Columbus Circle (New York City)
• Two Davids (Florence)
• Franco Harris Statue (Pittsburgh)
• London Firefighters and Other Heroes
• Columbus Circle Mall (New York City)
• Miami
• Paris
• Grand Central Station (New York City)
• Albany, New York
• Chicago
• Albany, New York (Hot Gay Statute)
• The Metropolitan Museum (New York City)
• University of Southern California (Los Angeles)
• More Getty Villa (Los Angeles)
• Union Station Centurions (Washington, DC)
• Hot Gay Ladies in Washington Heights (New York City)
• Honolulu
• Stockholm
• Florence (Italy) II
• Vienna

In the United States — except for the rare exception — there is a well-documented dearth of hot gay statues.

Occasionally you’ll see a statue and think, “hmm, he’s a lil gay.” (Or she, obv.)

Or: “Why is that guy’s head between that other guy’s legs? It’s not that gay, but — ha ha — we should send a pic to The Gay Recluse.”

And then you go on your way, and perhaps in a year or so — assuming you don’t leave the country — you might spot another statue or piece of public artwork that could be described as gay, with a mix of earnestness and irony that is a hallmark of internet discourse.

Hi ladies! Did you know that the final season of “The L-Word” premieres this Sunday?

Whoa, Daddy!

Let’s just say that in terms of hot gay statuary, Vienna operates on a completely different level than any U.S. city.

It’s not like this was unexpected, of course.

And at first, we didn’t think too much about it.

After all, our primary purpose in coming to Vienna was not to obsess about hot gay statues.

Hey buddy, nice package! (Was Johann Strauss the “David Beckham” of 19th century Vienna?)

Here’s a gay in Vienna “playing straight,” just like today’s biggest stars in Hollywood.

While almost every statue in Vienna was exceedingly gay, not all were equally hot!

At night, there was a phantasmagoric quality to the statues, that made many seem NSFW.

We wouldn’t call this “man-baby” hot, would you?

This guy just won’t take “no” for an answer!

Some required more than one shot to capture exactly what was going on.

It’s not hard to figure out what happened here!

Oddly, as time passed, we became less innured to their presence, which was not what we had expected.

We began to consider the mindset of those who commissioned such work, and why they were so interested in “hot dads.”

We resented the puritanical tendencies of our own country, which for hundreds of years has made even the most innocuous statues NSFW.

We considered the drudgery of our own commute in New York City, and how we never see a hot-gay statue without making a special trip to Audubon Terrace.

Hey girlfriends! What do you mean you haven’t seen Milk yet!?

We wondered: why does our contemplation of this statue offer us so much more pleasure than any of the tedious shots of “real-life” models we see every day on all the mainstream gay sites?

Translation: Every one of these guys is smokin’ hot.

Translation: Workers unite (for a hot gay revolution)!

Vienna’s hot gay statuary is obv not limited to the neoclassical.

The more we looked, the more statues we saw; many of them contained features — and more incredibly, expressions — we found genuinely attractive, so that our posture of ironic disdain began to feel limiting.

Overwhelmed, we questioned the movement toward abstraction that occurred 500 years ago, when Pablo Picasso first heard Franz Liszt and was inspired to create a reality teevee show on Bravo.

We could not completely shed this irony, however.

Just your average fountain statue in Vienna.

As so often happens when we lose ourselves the past, we felt an intoxicating mix of suffocation and exhilaration.

It seemed miraculous to us that the roof of the Parliament could feature a lineup of NSFW men.

By this point, our resistance had completely eroded.

Seemingly every alcove was inhabited by a hot gay statue.

We felt as if our hatred of the present — not only the time in which we live, but the tedious, mass-produced nature of our surroundings — had been validated.

But in the next second, we felt deflated and beaten.

We arrived at Gonzagagasse, the street where our friend John had grown up.

And thought about how he must have felt as a child, walking past these hot gay dads every day.

Until the Nazis came to power and he had to flee to the United States.

Where he too would always remember life in Vienna with an irreconcilable mix of hatred and longing.

The Hot Gay Statue round-up:

• Rules and Guidelines
• Dan Savage Endorsement
• Washington Heights (New York City)
• Washington, DC
• The London Eye Clarifies an Important Issue
• Florence (Italy)
• The Park Avenue Amory (Upper East Side/NYC)
• Murray Hill (New York City)
• Madrid (Spain)
• Los Angeles
• Philadelphia
• The London Eye: “In Your Face”
• The J-Man Inspires
• George Washington
• Georgia (Republic of)
• New Orleans
• Columbus Circle (New York City)
• Two Davids (Florence)
• Franco Harris Statue (Pittsburgh)
• London Firefighters and Other Heroes
• Columbus Circle Mall (New York City)
• Miami
• Paris
• Grand Central Station (New York City)
• Albany, New York
• Chicago
• Albany, New York (Hot Gay Statute)
• The Metropolitan Museum (New York City)
• University of Southern California (Los Angeles)
• More Getty Villa (Los Angeles)
• Union Station Centurions (Washington, DC)
• Hot Gay Ladies in Washington Heights (New York City)
• Honolulu
• Stockholm
• Florence (Italy) II

Recently we heard from Mike, an American expat (and blogger!) living in Denmark who writes:

I didn’t know about your blog this summer when I went to Florence, but now that blog-whoring’s brought us together, here’s a humble contribution:

Though we’ve already covered Florence — and this statue specifically — we wanted to take the opportunity to demonstrate a fundamental point about hot gay statues that has been missed by some of our less enlightened readers. Anyway! Here’s the shot of Hercules and Caucus (courtesy of Wikipedia) from the original post:

A lil hot and def gay, but kinda whatevs.

Now let’s compare with Mike’s shot of the same statue:

Whoa. Smokin’ hot. Srsly gay.

Need we say more? We think not!

Thanks again to Mike for his most excellent submission.

The Hot Gay Statue round-up:

• Rules and Guidelines
• Dan Savage Endorsement
• Washington Heights (New York City)
• Washington, DC
• The London Eye Clarifies an Important Issue
• Florence (Italy)
• The Park Avenue Amory (Upper East Side/NYC)
• Murray Hill (New York City)
• Madrid (Spain)
• Los Angeles
• Philadelphia
• The London Eye: “In Your Face”
• The J-Man Inspires
• George Washington
• Georgia (Republic of)
• New Orleans
• Columbus Circle (New York City)
• Two Davids (Florence)
• Franco Harris Statue (Pittsburgh)
• London Firefighters and Other Heroes
• Columbus Circle Mall (New York City)
• Miami
• Paris
• Grand Central Station (New York City)
• Albany, New York
• Chicago
• Albany, New York (Hot Gay Statute)
• The Metropolitan Museum (New York City)
• University of Southern California (Los Angeles)
• More Getty Villa (Los Angeles)
• Union Station Centurions (Washington, DC)
• Hot Gay Ladies in Washington Heights (New York City)
• Honolulu
• Stockholm

Smokin.

Seen anything hotter? Send us your pix.

Today we received the above (and well, below) photograph from Eric Patton of Sore Afraid. (Which btw we recommend for anyone — like us! — interested in refreshingly unrelenting pessimism, literary angst, truthful travel writing and related rumination.)

This statue, obv one of the hottest and most smokin’ dads ever is from Drottningholm Palace in Stockholm (Sweden). Question: can a statue be NSFW?

Having also just returned from Europe, it makes us think about how the United States is in fact the worst country in the western if not entire world has an embarrassing dearth of hot gay statues. In our case, we were overwhelmed by the literally hundreds of hot gay statues we encountered; and how, for this reason, it was actually a relief to get a single photograph, because we’ve yet to wrap our mind around what we witnessed abroad, much less the obsessive documentation we brought back with us, as if to prove to ourselves that such things really do exist after they have faded from our memory.

To explore the realm of hot gay statues — something we started as really nothing but a traffic-whoring joke — can be surprisingly depressing in this regard, to the extent it confirms our continued existence in the new dark ages. Was life better 200 years ago? Although it’s ridiculous to ever generalize, in some ways, it seems like it probably was! (And here’s Exhibit A.)

But as often happens, the melancholy fades as we resign ourselves to our inability to change anything; we are consoled by the understanding that these places exist somewhere, even if thousand of miles away or hundreds of years in the past, which for our purposes now is pretty much the same thing.

The Hot Gay Statue round-up:

• Rules and Guidelines
• Dan Savage Endorsement
• Washington Heights (New York City)
• Washington, DC
• The London Eye Clarifies an Important Issue
• Florence (Italy)
• The Park Avenue Amory (Upper East Side/NYC)
• Murray Hill (New York City)
• Madrid (Spain)
• Los Angeles
• Philadelphia
• The London Eye: “In Your Face”
• The J-Man Inspires
• George Washington
• Georgia (Republic of)
• New Orleans
• Columbus Circle (New York City)
• Two Davids (Florence)
• Franco Harris Statue (Pittsburgh)
• London Firefighters and Other Heroes
• Columbus Circle Mall (New York City)
• Miami
• Paris
• Grand Central Station (New York City)
• Albany, New York
• Chicago
• Albany, New York (Hot Gay Statute)
• The Metropolitan Museum (New York City)
• University of Southern California (Los Angeles)
• More Getty Villa (Los Angeles)
• Union Station Centurions (Washington, DC)
• Hot Gay Ladies in Washington Heights (New York City)
• Honolulu

Today reader (and blogger and Twitterer par excellence) Atherton Bartelby kindly sent in the following note, just days before leaving Hawaii for the mainland (or whatever we’re called over here). Atherton writes:

I finally snapped a photograph of one of the Hot Gay Statues on Oahu. It’s SO not a perfect image, but I thought you may want to use it anyway as a representative HGS for Honolulu. It’s of Duke Paoa Kahinu Mokoe Hulikohola Kahanamoku, who is regarded as the father of surfing.

Whoas — sounds promising! Let’s check this guy out, shall we?

Whatevs. A lil blurry, but this duke of surfdom is obv smokin’.

Thanks, Atherton — Hawaii beckons in many ways!

The Hot Gay Statue round-up:

• Rules and Guidelines
• Dan Savage Endorsement
• Washington Heights (New York City)
• Washington, DC
• The London Eye Clarifies an Important Issue
• Florence (Italy)
• The Park Avenue Amory (Upper East Side/NYC)
• Murray Hill (New York City)
• Madrid (Spain)
• Los Angeles
• Philadelphia
• The London Eye: “In Your Face”
• The J-Man Inspires
• George Washington
• Georgia (Republic of)
• New Orleans
• Columbus Circle (New York City)
• Two Davids (Florence)
• Franco Harris Statue (Pittsburgh)
• London Firefighters and Other Heroes
• Columbus Circle Mall (New York City)
• Miami
• Paris
• Grand Central Station (New York City)
• Albany, New York
• Chicago
• Albany, New York (Hot Gay Statute)
• The Metropolitan Museum (New York City)
• University of Southern California (Los Angeles)
• More Getty Villa (Los Angeles)
• Union Station Centurions (Washington, DC)
• Hot Gay Ladies in Washington Heights (New York City)
  

Remember how we said that one good reason to move to Washington Heights is that it’s home to the hottest gay statues? While this remains undoubtedly true, we have some groundbreaking news for our gay lady friends! This just in from Reader Roberta:

Hi TGR, I thought you — or actually your lesbian readers, coz I know there’s at least a few — might like to know that there’s a gay couple, by which I mean two gay ladies, on display on Broadway in the Heightz. I’ve taken a few shots over the past couple of months, which I attach for your consideration, with captions (my gf Suzanne helped)! Feel free to post, because these gay gurlz are hot and I’m never going to have the time to start my own blog!

Ok, Roberta, you’re on! Let’s check these gay ladies out, shall we?

Hi girls! So you’re new to the neighborhood? And you’re a couple? Love it!

(Delicious buns!)

So are those jeans painted on or what!?  (To be twenty again!)

Welcome, ladies! It’s good to see more lesbian couples in da Heightz!

Thanks Roberta! We think you should start a Tumblr like us, but in the meantime, we’re more than happy to post for you! You definitely opened our eyes to a world we hardly knew existed…

The Hot Gay Statue round-up:

• Rules and Guidelines
• Dan Savage Endorsement
• Washington Heights (New York City)
• Washington, DC
• The London Eye Clarifies an Important Issue
• Florence (Italy)
• The Park Avenue Amory (Upper East Side/NYC)
• Murray Hill (New York City)
• Madrid (Spain)
• Los Angeles
• Philadelphia
• The London Eye: “In Your Face”
• The J-Man Inspires
• George Washington
• Georgia (Republic of)
• New Orleans
• Columbus Circle (New York City)
• Two Davids (Florence)
• Franco Harris Statue (Pittsburgh)
• London Firefighters and Other Heroes
• Columbus Circle Mall (New York City)
• Miami
• Paris
• Grand Central Station (New York City)
• Albany, New York
• Chicago
• Albany, New York (Hot Gay Statute)
• The Metropolitan Museum (New York City)
• University of Southern California (Los Angeles)
• More Getty Villa (Los Angeles)
• Union Station Centurions (Washington, DC)
  

Recently Reader Lloyd put us on notice about the existence of an entire army of hot gay statues gracing the colonnade at Union Station in Washington, DC. Which ok is awesome, but his note also contained a scandalous rumor, which we reproduce in full:

I was told about the statuary in Union Station by a friend in San Diego, now 65, who attended seminary in Washington, DC, as a youth. Floods of seminarians used to go to Union Station to view the statues before the shields were installed. The statues, all similar, ring the second level of the atrium-like entrance lobby, maybe 25 to 40, and are over life-size. They all hold shields which cover their bodies from feet to chest level. Once when waiting for a train, I tried to check them out, but access to the gallery behind them was not possible.

We wondered if this could be true, and found some pix on Flickr of the statues in question:

Hey, who are those hot guys on top of those columns? (Photo by mattherbison on Flickr)

Whoas! This guy’s pretty hot. Definitely gay, too.
(Photo by jcolman on Flickr)

Pretty smokin, frankly. (Photo by jcolman on Flickr)

Ok then, so there’s like a hundred of these smokin’ Romans milling around, but srsly, what’s up with the shields? According to one DC art blog, the shields were added after a public outcry in 1907, when the station was opened. Here’s the full story:

Apparently when the sculptor, Augustus Saint Gaudens — who was a pretty popular public art and monument sculptor at the turn of the century — received the commission for the centurions, he asked if he was to make the Roman soldiers historically accurate.

He was told yes.

When Saint Gaudens delivered the models for the sculptures, Washingtonians on the arts panel were a little shocked to discover that some of the centurion maquettes were fully nude in uncircumsized splendor for all to see.

And so a hundred years ago Saint Gaudens was told to cover them up. In the arguments that I am sure followed, the solution came in the form of shields (which to me look historically inaccurate by the way), which would cover the Italians’ willies. They remain naked beneath them.

Really!? True or apocryphal? So far the only photograph we could find even hinting at this most tantalizing state of affairs is this one:

These guys are srsly hot, but the question remains: why the shields? (Photo by jcolman on Flickr.)

We want to extend a big thanks to Lloyd who turned us on to what conceivably could go down as the biggest scandal in the history of hot gay statues! That said, we are left with important questions: Will some kind reader in DC send us an even hotter pic of one of these centurions (and what hides behind the shields)? And if it turns out to be true, will President-elect Obama finally restore these hot gay statues to their intended glory? There can be no doubt that the world is holding its collective breath…

The Hot Gay Statue round-up:

• Rules and Guidelines
• Dan Savage Endorsement
• Washington Heights (New York City)
• Washington, DC
• The London Eye Clarifies an Important Issue
• Florence (Italy)
• The Park Avenue Amory (Upper East Side/NYC)
• Murray Hill (New York City)
• Madrid (Spain)
• Los Angeles
• Philadelphia
• The London Eye: “In Your Face”
• The J-Man Inspires
• George Washington
• Georgia (Republic of)
• New Orleans
• Columbus Circle (New York City)
• Two Davids (Florence)
• Franco Harris Statue (Pittsburgh)
• London Firefighters and Other Heroes
• Columbus Circle Mall (New York City)
• Miami
• Paris
• Grand Central Station (New York City)
• Albany, New York
• Chicago
• Albany, New York (Hot Gay Statute)
• The Metropolitan Museum (New York City)
• University of Southern California (Los Angeles)
• More Getty Villa (Los Angeles)

We are quite pleased to tell you that our favorite art blogger C-Monster has recently been documenting the hot-gay-statue scene in Los Angeles, where in addition to the University of Southern California, some of the hottest gay statues in history have been cropping up at the Getty Villa. Of course, longtime readers will no doubt remember our first entry from the Getty Villa, which proved to be quite gay and almost insanely hot; thus, we expect that you’ll be as shocked (yet pleased) as we were to learn that there are possibly even hotter — yet just as gay! — statues to be found in the same environs. Let’s check ‘em out, shall we?

Whoas…here’s the Greek “Victorious Youth,” dating from 300-100 BC, which as we all know was the pinnacle of hot gay living (and not coincidentally, western civilization)! (Photo by C-Monster.)

Srsly hot.                                                         (Photo C-M.)

Note the commentary on the wall, which seems a bit too long? How about: “Smokin’ Hot!” Also! We have more pix of that guy in the back (and — we promise — you won’t be disappointed).  (Photo by C-M.)

Here’s someone else, clearly gay — hello toga! — and above all super smokin. We have to imagine those patrons leaving the scene are some satisfied customers! (Photo by C-M.)

Wait, what!? There’s more? Is this the hottest (and gayest) collection of statuary outside of Washington Heights? (Photo by C-M.)

Apparently so! This guy is obviously in the running for hot gay twink statue of the year. (Photo by C-M.)

Thanks again, C-Monster! We’ll look forward to seeing any other hot gay statues you happen to see on the left coast. As for everyone else, it’s not too late to submit your entry for the 2008 Hot Gay Statue of the Year.

The Hot Gay Statue round-up:

• Rules and Guidelines
• Dan Savage Endorsement
• Washington Heights (New York City)
• Washington, DC
• The London Eye Clarifies an Important Issue
• Florence (Italy)
• The Park Avenue Amory (Upper East Side/NYC)
• Murray Hill (New York City)
• Madrid (Spain)
• Los Angeles
• Philadelphia
• The London Eye: “In Your Face”
• The J-Man Inspires
• George Washington
• Georgia (Republic of)
• New Orleans
• Columbus Circle (New York City)
• Two Davids (Florence)
• Franco Harris Statue (Pittsburgh)
• London Firefighters and Other Heroes
• Columbus Circle Mall (New York City)
• Miami
• Paris
• Grand Central Station (New York City)
• Albany, New York
• Chicago
• Albany, New York (Hot Gay Statute)
• The Metropolitan Museum (New York City)
• University of Southern California (Los Angeles)