In which The Gay Recluse makes fun of the sad straights who appear in this week’s Modern Love offering in The Times. Those looking for our quantitative analysis should click here.
Was I on a Date or Baby-Sitting? OMG! What an Asshole!

By JULIE KLAUSNER and THE GAY RECLUSE

Published: April 27, 2008
So this asshole in a rock [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selection opinion pieces in The Times.
Paul Krugman/Self-Inflicted Confusion
The Short Version: Friends! I told you Hillary was the best, and because you ignored me and got wrapped up in the Obullshit message of “change,” you shall now suffer accordingly.
In his words: “The attacks from the Clinton campaign have been badminton compared with the [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Gail Collins/Hillary’s Smackdown
The Short Version: Don’t panic, it’ll be ok.
In her words: “If you want to worry about something, worry about the way both of them have been pandering themselves over the edge.”
Score: B (Benign)
Although we don’t want to be reading about Obama and [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Bob Herbert/Clueless in America
The Short Version: Kids are stupid.
In his words: “While we’re effectively standing in place, other nations are catching up and passing us when it comes to educational achievement.”
Score: F (Forgettable)
If you’re in the mood to be scolded on account of how shitty [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Paul Krugman/Running Out of Planet To Exploit
The Short Version: Let’s face it. We’re probably running out of oil.
In his words: “But this time may be different: concerns about what happens when an ever-growing world economy pushes up against the limits of a finite planet [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Frank Rich/Shoddy! Tawdry! A Televised Train Wreck!
The Short Version: That debate was la-la-la-lame!
In his words: “I can’t remember a debate in which the only memorable moment was the audience’s heckling of a moderator.”
Score: D+ (Dated)
The debate already feels like it happened a million years [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Bob Herbert/Road Map To Defeat

The Short Version: I’m sad!
In his words: “Instead of capitalizing on the political advantages presented by these issues, the Democrats, with their increasingly small-minded approach to this election, are squandering them.”
Score: D (Dull)
Herbert would be well advised to look [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Paul Krugman/Clinging to a Stereotype
The Short Version: Obama makes me mad!
In his words: “Over all, none of this suggests that people turn to God out of economic frustration.”
Score: D (Desparate)
Krugman is really annoyed that Hillary Clinton’s chances of winning the nomination don’t look too good, so [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Gail Collins/Battle of the Baggage
The Short Version: We’re all very tired.
In her words: “I know it’s been a hard couple of weeks, people. You were all excited about this election and now you feel like someone who got all dressed up for a great [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Bob Herbert/Some Perspective on “Bitter”
The Short Version: Pennsylvania is filled with racists!
In his words: “In his San Francisco comments, Senator Obama fouled up when he linked frustration and bitterness over economic hard times with America’s romance with guns and embrace of religion.”
Score: C- (Cautious)
We don’t think [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Paul Krugman/Crisis of Confidence
The Short Version: The United States is in a bad mood!
In his words: “The question is, can the next administration end America’s malaise?”
Score: D (Depressing)
Krugman certainly touches upon a widely held perception that we’re completely fucked as a country, but he [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Frank Rich/The Petraeus-Crocker Show Gets the Hook
The Short Version: Even I can’t get outraged over the Iraq war anymore.
In his words: “Yet I must confess that, sitting in MoMA, I kept looking beyond the frame of Mr. Morris’s movie as well.”
Score: D (Derailed)
Rich’s writing [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Bob Herbert/Losing Our Will
The Short Version: The war in Iraq, recession, decaying infrastructure — OMG, we’re so fucked!
In his words: “It’s both tragic and embarrassing.”
Score: D- (Depressing)
Herbert is not necessarily wrong about anything he says, but he’s not right, either. The situation in the [...]

In which The Gay Recluse provides a gay (but frankly, equally boring) alternative to this week’s Modern Love offering in The Times. Those looking for our quantitative analysis should click here.
The Plain, Unmarked Box Arrived
By LORI JAKIELA and THE GAY RECLUSE
Published: April 13, 2008
THE night we ordered the sex chair, we’d been drinking. Not a [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Paul Krugman/Health Care Horror Stories
The Short Version: Health care is a disaster! (Barrack blows, vote for Hillary!)
In his words: “You may think that this was an extreme case, but stories like this are common in America.”
Score: D (Dour)
We’re not sure who Krugman envisions as his [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Gail Collins/Pinochle Politics
The Short Version: I’m bored with politics.
In her words: “Setting aside six weeks of preparation for the Pennsylvania primary turns out to have been a little excessive.”
Score: B- (Boring)
We agree with Collins that the Democratic primary is kind of difficult to follow [...]

In which The Gay Recluse has a bad day and indulges in a lil rant.
Here’s a shot of one seriously fucking annoying thing some people do on the subway, i.e., leave their shopping bags on the seat next to them when the entire train is filled with passengers. Most days we would just tell the [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinions in The Times.

Paul Krugman/Grains Gone Wild
The Short Version: Add soaring costs of food to the list of ways in which we are completely fucked.
In his words: “Oh, and in case you’re wondering: all the remaining presidential contenders are terrible on this issue.”
Score: D+ (Doomy)
Although we appreciate Krugman’s [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Frank Rich/Tet Happened, and No One Cared
The Short Version: McCain is a big fucking idiot.
In his words: “The sum total of his public record suggests that he could well prolong the war for another century — not because he’s the crazed militarist portrayed by [...]

In which The Gay Recluse scores selected opinion pieces in The Times.
Gail Collins/White Guys Are Back
The Short Version: Barack and Hillary are chasing after the undecided demographic.
In her words: “The candidates have already resigned themselves to wooing people with political attention deficit disorder.”
Score: B- (Blah)
Some days we love Collins’ brand of easy-going and somewhat detached [...]